RE: Powerball:

According to CNN, the odds of you winning tonight's record Powerball drawing are actually higher than the likelihood of you giving a damn about any story that cites odds of unlikely things happening to you. That's right, there're more people in the world that will win $340 million dollars tonight than there are people who want to hear what their odds of getting hit by lightning are. It's true; I learned it on yesterday's Situation Room, where Wolf Blitzer had some guy pull balls with things like "Chance of Becoming President" out of a bingo ball tumbler and then told me I had a hundred million to one shot.

Two seconds in, I had a stroke. This led to aphasia, which prompted me to pronounce the segment "hamburger" when I was really groping for "retarded." Or maybe "waste of time."

If I win tonight, expect a far more expensive Drudge Siren tomorrow.